So, now what?

As spiritually single women, we may have a harder path, but the good news is that Jesus knew where your path was headed even before you were born. Did we have a choice? Of course we did. Since this is the choice we made, God is merciful to meet us where we are.

If you have been rebellious, guess what? Jesus stretched out his arms, died for your sins and offers you forgiveness! If your husband has deceived you or abandoned his agreement to live in a Christ-centered home, God offers forgiveness for those sins! If Jesus can pay the price and forgive him, shouldn’t you extend at least as much grace? And forgive him for what his deception has meant in your life?

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."

Romans 8:1-2

Did we miss God’s plan for our lives? No, but clearly we chose Plan B when God had Plan A in mind for us.

“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity.” Jeremiah 29:11-14

Could the marriage partner you chose be the divine plan God designed just for your spiritual growth? Your path with an unsaved husband will provide you with unique opportunities for personal growth that you never dreamed of! Your husband has the opportunity to see and experience Christ through you. It is an awesome and rewarding challenge. Your mission everyday for the rest of your life is right in your own home. While others raise money and travel to “do missionary work,” you can do it at home; sometimes, even in your bunny slippers! And sometimes in your birthday suit (more on that later)!

Are you spiritually single?

The first time I heard the term ‘spiritually single’ it hit me like one of those enormous curls at the ocean that crashes over you when you least expect it! I even gasped a little like I’d been splashed in understanding from those two little words. Two little words that when put together finally described the condition of my life. Spiritually single.

I am a happily married woman who shares nearly everything with a great husband. We do everything together; we love to share the same food, music, sports, people, and politics. Everything—except Jesus. In the early years of our marriage, that did not seem like such a big difference, but we serve a jealous God who wants all of us. As I changed and became more willing to surrender to Jesus, my husband continued marching down our previous path and remained the same. As Jesus began to permeate and to stabilize some of the lifelong messes I had made, my husband Ed saw the change in me. He readily admits that he has benefited from some of the changes. But some of the external change—out on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights, crying through my episodes of grace and forgiveness, ridiculous hopefulness even in the darkest situation and the celebrations of seemingly minor victories—were harder for him to grasp.

The Spiritually Single can be divided into five groups:

1. Two Prenuptial Non-Believers. Those who courted and married as non-believers, one met Jesus later and had a life changing experience that left one mate wondering about the other! If this describes you, your husband may have questioned your judgment, your sanity or even your future together.
2. Christians with a low, but compatible, commitment to God. Those ladies who spent a period of their life when Jesus wasn’t so important, but still married someone who had a limited faith in Christ. Perhaps you met, fell in love with a great guy and got married. Then you met, fell in love with a great God and evolved into a committed follower of Christ and your husband has not.
3. The Rebel. Those who had a personal relationship with Christ and knew the powerful teachings about being unequally yoked, but got married anyway. You fell in love with a man who was so “nice” or so perfect in all other ways that you knew he would eventually accept the Lord—all he needed was a wonderful partner like you in his life to make the path apparent. Apparently not.
4. Postnuptial Change. After courtship and marriage, your husband left his faith in Christ. He either deceived you about his faith during courtship or had a life change, either abrupt or gradual, after the nuptials.
5. Spiritual Imbalance. A married couple that experiences occasional differences in their commitment to Jesus and who feel unbalanced in their walk as a couple. Some event or series of events gets them “out of sync.”

No matter how we got here, we don’t have to be lonely. We need to stick together. We need to build a community of supportive, encouraging, God-seeking women who will love one another, encourage one another and pray for one another. Many of us have been lonely or felt like we did not belong for so long that belonging somewhere might be very healing. If any of the descriptions above have impacted you, you belong here. I try to take a biblical approach to marriage with a husband who doesn't share my commitment to Christ and I share them here in hopes that it will encourage you.