As iron sharpens iron, so one [wo]man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

As spiritually single women, we may feel lonely in our marriages, unable to share our true selves, our spiritual selves, with our husbands. It is especially important for us to have Christian friends, especially girlfriends who can pray with us and offer support. Friends can share in our joy of being part of God’s family, and can help us to grow in our relationship with Jesus.

My Friend Donna

Donna walked in late to the first day of our ladies’ small group/Bible study. We introduced ourselves around the table and I was the only one who mentioned that my husband did not share my faith. In retrospect, I realize that announcing in a new group that you are married to a non-believer could be a social calamity, so very few women are open about it. Because I was willing to be candid, after the meeting Donna sought me out to tell me her husband was not a believer either. Donna’s husband is Muslim and mine is Jewish, which could be a story all by itself. Both were professionals. We both had resources and we both shared a love for Christ AND our husbands. Neither of our husbands understood our commitment to Jesus. It was easy to relate to Donna and I loved her right away. Because of our choice of mates, we both felt like we had one foot in the world and one in the spirit. We prayed together, laughed together, played together, shopped together, talked forever and learned together. We were often considered too carnal for some church activities and way too holy for the non-believers we knew.

In many ways, Donna became the spiritual partner that my husband could not be. I feel fortunate today that she is still in my corner. We pray for each other often and even though I have moved away, we are still remarkably close spiritual partners.

We Need Girlfriends

Look around you. Who has God placed in your life that might become a spiritual support for your? Is there a Donna in your life?

How Does Being Spiritually Single Affect Us?

From a spiritual standpoint, we will not have a partnership when it comes to God like we do in other areas of our marriage. We will not experience shared intimacy about spiritual thoughts with our husbands. They will not encourage us to grow. They will not pray for us. We will learn to store information like camels to share with our female friends or small group, but we will rarely have the daily interaction with our partners that would feed our starving souls.

There are times that I feel depressed because the flow of the Holy Spirit can become stifled at our house. I go to church alone and socially sometimes it would just be easier to stay at home than walk in and sit alone again. Other times I have created a conflict, dragged my husband along to a church-sponsored event and regretted every minute of it. As a woman who is spiritually single, I long to connect with others and need an environment that is safe and supportive to do so. Most times it will not include my husband. When he comes it changes the dynamics of the worship.

Maybe you are a woman who carries guilt for your choice in partners, or you struggle with your heart being held captive by a man who does not cherish Jesus like you do. I know that in my marriage, sometimes it’s hard to tell if I love God or my husband more. I really love Ed, and it is often easier to worship him than God. It is always easier to follow him than God—an extra hour cuddling under the warm covers with my husband on a cold, snowy Sunday morning is hard to resist. The problem is that Ed has the ability to disappoint me when I worship him and God never fails me. Who, then, is more worthy of my worship? I believe part of God’s plan for the spiritually single is to get beyond the guilt, because we cannot be an example if we are weighed down with guilt. We cannot be free to worship while guilt has a foothold in our lives.

“Life would be so much easier if only he was saved,” was my mantra for a long time. “If he’d go to church with me and serve God with me—think how much we could do to make a difference in this world!” That sounds good on the surface, but for me this is arrogance. When I make that statement, I want my husband along to validate me and make my life easier, not because I am concerned for his salvation. Our lives should not be made more picture perfect, but more godly. We should be looking for what God’s plan is and get in on it! I am convinced that God’s plan for me was to learn more godly behavior that springs up involuntarily from my God-satisfied soul through this spiritually single situation. When I know all I need to know, God will take me to the next challenge. He may send the Holy Spirit to take the veil off my husband’s face so that he can be saved. We may one day serve together. Or not.

It is my genuine hope that through the entries in this blog that you will find the freedom that Christ offers us no matter to whom you are married and what his beliefs may be today. It is also my prayerful hope that you will offer your husband that same freedom. I pray that you will find an opportunity to learn about God’s plan for you and the tools you need to connect with other women in a nurturing, healthy environment, to be accepted and loved for who you are. That's what this blog is for, so jump in and leave your comments. Make this a regular part of your community. Equally important for you, is to learn without ever uttering a word, to reflect God's freedom at home so your husband can be won over by your behavior.

Until next time, be blessed!